Saturday, March 3, 2007
A Wee Bit of an Identity Crisis
*If you're here from the Ultimate Blog Party, Welcome! Click here for my introductory post.*
Having a baby has changed my world. In so many ways! It has made me re-learn and re-evaluate everything that used to be normal and predictable.
Including my identity.
3 months ago, I was part of a couple. Now I am part of a family.
3 months ago, I was a college student who happened to have a very large belly. Now I am not doing anything even remotely academic. (And the belly is shrinking by the week. Hallelujah!)
3 months ago, I was free as a bird. Now I have to make special arrangements far in advance if I want to go off and do something alone.
3 months ago, I didn't know the joy of having and loving a child. Now, my heart is so full it is overflowing!
3 months ago, I got to decide when to go to bed and when to wake up. Now, I can throw away the alarm clock because my child now decides these things for me.
3 months ago, I was easily bored. Now, I always have my own personal entertainment!
3 months ago, I didn't think there was anything special about a person being able to move their head. Now, as I watch my son lift his head when he is on his tummy, I praise him and cheer him as though he just won the Olympic Gold Medal in head-lifting!
3 months ago, I referred to myself as "(my real name)", "me" or "I." Now, I almost always refer to myself in the third-person as "Mommy."
So this leaves me in a bit of a conundrum. Am I still the person I was before? Well, yes. However, the meaning of "me" has taken on entirely new dimensions.
Do I long for the time when I can once again just grab my purse, jump in the car, and go? Sure. But if I did that, it would mean that my son wouldn't exist. (And in a few short years, I will once again have this freedom.)
Do I wish I could sleep late whenever I wanted to? Absolutely, but that would mean never getting to hold my son in my arms and give him his bottle. (When he's in school, he'll be able to turn on the TV on Saturday mornings and watch cartoons.)
While I am still the same person I once was, I sure feel different. Sometimes it's a good feeling, other times it's not so great.
When it doesn't feel so great, I look into the eyes of my 3-month old boy and he smiles at me.
Then, once again, all is right with the world and I am able to embrace the new "me."