Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A Little Bit Nervous

I believe I mentioned before that I got a job teaching preschool music this coming school year at a local Christian preschool.

I'm terrified out of my mind.

This will be my first "real job" and I'm not sure I can do it! I'm nervous about leaving Lancelot with a babysitter. Not because I'm afraid something bad will happen to him, but afraid that I'll miss something! His first steps, his first word, all kinds of things. I don't want to miss out on anything!

I know I'm being ridiculous. I'm only teaching 3 days a week and my school day is only 4 hours. It's not a high-pressure job. I get to sing songs with preschoolers and put on a Christmas program! This is the kind of job I dreamed about while I was in college.

So why am I freaked out?

Please pray that these butterflies in my stomach will relax a little bit!!

Two weeks ago I was able to participate in our church's VBS program. I helped out 3 days of the week, and the program lasted about 4 hours. Lancelot was in the church nursery while I was next door in the sanctuary running the sound equipment for the "Sing and Play" sessions. (This was not a tough job. I turned everything on and ran a DVD player. Very simple.)

I loved it. I loved the feeling that I was doing something. Something productive, something helpful beyond mothering. I was doing something for my own personal edification. Not that I don't love being a stay at home mom, I just ADORE it, but every once in awhile it's nice to feel like the person I used to be before the baby came along!

So if I didn't have a problem with VBS, why do I have a problem with this? It's basically the same thing.

Only it's EVERY WEEK. Not just one week of the year.

Lancelot won't be in the building next door to me. He'll be across town. I can't pop in to check on him in between classes.

I know I just need to have faith, but it can be tough sometimes!

Getting all of this out has helped a little bit.

Thanks for "listening!"

* * * * * * *

And because pictures of my little boy always cheer me up, here is something for your viewing pleasure:


Anne/kq said...

(((Hugs))) I remember my first "out of the home" job after having my first baby. I have to say, I felt horrible before it started-- but then almost guilty at how much I enjoyed getting paid for something I got to come home from! There's a definite up side to part-time work, and I think it will be good for you.

And remember that if you hate it, you can always quit. But give yourself a full month or two before you make that decision.

Anne/kq said...

Awww, cute picture! (And hilarious bib!)

I answered your question at my blog. :)

Susan said...

What you're feeling is normal. I remember feeling that with my oldest. It was so hard leaving him. But I also found that God blessed that. He blessed him and me. I am praying that you'll experience the same. Your little man will be well-rounded as he interacts with others....and you'll get the blessing of sharing something you love with the little ones of other Mothers.

I'm praying for you.

:-) Susan

Damselfly said...

Lance gets more gorgeous all the time!

If he hangs out with Fly and me some of the time while you are at school, I'll be sure to video anything important so you won't miss it!

kelli said...

You can do it! It will stretch you, but you can do it.

And he doesn't do something new until you see it. I do daycare and I never tell parents if a kid does something I haven't seen him do before. I wait until they say WOW! he took his first step last night!

I can't get the silly vbs song out of my head. I sing it all the time! :) You're right, it's really fun.